Post by lindi on Oct 19, 2008 20:30:37 GMT -5
Tears of agony fell from the looming grey clouds, splashing to the ground and shattering into a million pieces. The sound of each drop hitting the ground echoed in her skull, pushing her out of her only small embrace of comfort in a world of horror. The pain was catastrophic; it flooding into her mouth, forcing its way down her throat and into her system to the point where she felt like she could choke. Only then did she hear the screams. Screams that errupted from her shocked imagination, created out of the paralyzed senses that failed to work efficiently. Seclusion had its grip on her soul, dragging her into the depths of her nightmares and the core of the wild, crazed animal that she fought to break free from. She felt like the devil's servant; the bringer of his misery, his twisted desires, his willingness to destroy everything in his path. But this was worse. She was doing this all on her own, watching her skin twist and fold till she was turned inside out, looking at someone unknown and yet someone she had known all her life. Seeing her face turn violently beneath the flesh that contained the monster that tried to force itself out with nothing but the pure strength and animosity of years of untended insanity. She could feel the weakness in her bones, the uncontrollable willingness to massacre without a second's hesitation. It was flowing through her veins, rushing with the contaminated blood that had been fused together. So sublime, the pieces fitting together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle. And so lovely, too. Deep, intense blue eyes. Radiant like an angel, painted ivory with cream and grey thrown into the mix. She looked as if she were carved out of stone by the hands of something ultimately divine. Whispers interupted her brief encounter with her own personal hell, spilling into her mind and taking any sense of calm away from her. Whispers that brought back the pain of so many years of death, of confinement. Of horror. The whispers....
The whispers willed her to the edge.
She stood on the edge of the huge cliff, watching the crumbling exterior of rocks tumble down the side and crash on the ground. The hot wind whipped her face, but it was,in contrast, cold due to the close proximity of fate. It sidled up to her, pressed its cold torso close to hers, smirking as she found herself unable to evade. It breathed in her ear, letting the inaudible words slip into her brain and paralyze her thoughts. She felt numb as hysteria pushed inside her throat with relentless force, but failed to get to the tip of her tongue. She just watched the ground below her with eyed that saw everything but couldn't see anything. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, flooding to her heart that made her feel like her chest was going to burst on impact. And all it would take is a step. She'd be gone, shattered into a million pieces. And no one would even know. Gulls cawed above her, willing her to jump. They watched her with vigorous atrocity, wishing she'd let her life slip away so they could take what was left. Their eyes were voids; empty, dark, and ever so attentive. She sucked in a ravaged breath, finally remembering that she needed to breathe. Taking a step back, she finally found the strength to take back up. She could feel the strings break, feel the sudden self control that she'd been denied. Breaths came in short ghasps as she stumbled backwards, tripping over branches and rocks that she couldn't see. She didn't know how long she stood there, only that she had just barely escaped a fate created by herself. Closing her eyes, she let herself think, breathe; just stop and be unmoving until she found the courage to start walking again. And so then, after staring death in the face, after watching herself make an attempt at suicide, she just turned and walked away. Her legs, of course, were shaking, and she felt her body quiver. She kept going, never knowing where she was headed or what she was going to do when she got there. All she knew was that she was going.
Glowing red and blue orbs hid silently behind an ivory mask in the sky, luminous and bright. The burning crimson and azure showing the heat of the small stars, all hidden behind that blinking porcelain cover. Her eyes watched the sky as if it were a painting, tracing every planet and star until there was nothing her eyes had not stumbled over. The pastoral reflection of night consumed the earth with shadows, the burnished daytime chased away like a starved dog. It enveloped her in a sea of darkness, forcing her to divulge herself with the tide of night. It was a relaxing thing for her eyes that had seen so much depravity and iniquity. It was a comfort in the contempt she felt. She didn't understand how a world so beautiful could be so corrupt and depraved. Maybe it was just the beings in it that could contaminate it with such ease and confidence. The sickness that spread like a cancer, covering the earth in an invisible net that you can't get out of. It was captivating, in a malevolent sense. The only thing that hadn't been touched with the invisible hand of the earth was the galaxy surrounding it. It was beautiful, breath-taking, and most of all, a way to escape troublsome thoughts. But you can't hide from your mind forever. The calamitiousness that spread over the truth had eroded it away to nothing. The soft pattering sound of rain colliding with the leaves and many other surfaces took away her concentration on the sky and its many beautiful aspects.. The air was warm and the rain cool;a relaxing contrast that sent a shiver down her spine. Auds fell flat against her skull as the liquid drops began tapping her with transparent fingers, annoying her like a small child would annoy an exhausted mother. Despite the cold, moist feeling that slid across her skin, the sound comforted her. She brought her nose up into the air, letting the rain land and roll down her face. It pushed her concerns out of her conscious mind, letting silence filter in and run the ravaged insanity away from her thoughts. She inhaled,her lungs expanding with the cold air and then deflating when she blew the oxygen out. She rubbed her cheek against her shoulder, removing most of the liquid that remained on her skin. The rain began to slow its rythymic beat,and it soon fell quiet with only the sound of mist falling from the dark void above. And now what? Did she just let herself fall from consciousness? Let herself slip into the oblivion that had become her soul? Of course she wouldn't let herself, but the self control she had had been lost for too long, and the only thing she could do was wait for the nightmares to come.
Lashes rubbed the skin beneath her eyes as her eyes fluttered open, her sight blurry and her mind a mix of different thoughts. She lifted her head and glanced around, wondering what had happened, why she was at the edge of a cliff. Her eyes shot open and she jumped back with a sharp intake of breath. She had been at the very edge of a cliff overlooking an ocean. All she would have had to do was roll over and she would've been a gonner. Memories from the night before flooded her mind, and she closed her eyes when she remembered her attempt at suicide. Her head was suddenly hanging a little lower, her shoulders slighty hunched, and she stared at the ground with such shame that she felt like breaking. How could she be so selfish? Letting an obomination like her to live just because she couldn't gain the courage to kill herself. This place, this city, and everything in it deserved to be blown to pieces. She couldn't stand living like this, with nothing to breathe for and no one to look out for. Ever since her brother's death two years ago, she had been a pathetic mess. He had been her only reason for living, and now that he was gone, she didn't know how she was going to keep living. She'd been alone and confined within herself for two years, threatened and hated every day. All she wanted was someone to lean on, but in this world, there was no such thing, or God just decided to hate her soul. She laid back down, her muzzle hanging over the edge of the cliff so she could watch the waves from the ocean crash against the sharp rocks at the bottom. She closed her eyes, and let herself bask in the midmorning sunshine that was barely able to make being alive bearable.
puppet.xx.Lindi
word count.xx.1527
notes.xx. Open to anyone. Oh, and please, PLEASE don't be intimidated by the size of this post! It's just so long because it's her intro and I wanted to explain what she's feeling and what she's going through! So please don't worry about your post being amazingly long if you reply!
